I mark this weekend as the close of a particularly painful period of my life. What began a year ago with a performance at a community theater has come full circle with another, bookending some of the greatest hurt and betrayal I have ever felt in my adult life. It’s sad and a little disheartening when a darker chapter of our life closes without full resolution in some areas or with some people but hopefully we can rest in the understanding that it’s time to move on to new and better things and that we have learnt and grown from the experience. I do and I have.
In this series of articles, I share stories of events and traumas through which I have grown and suffered, including loves past and missed and the bullying, sexual, physical, verbal and emotional abuse of my childhood and teenage years and later; however, I also share how Jesus has given me the promises, hope and strength to survive and grow through these situations. If you have unresolved issues in your life in any these areas, you may want consider whether or not you should proceed with reading these articles at this time.
I have chosen the format of a fictionalized, semi-autobiographical first-person narrative to allow me to change details regarding specific events and situations, including merging and splitting persons, places and specific details, altering the time-line and using different names, as necessary, to protect the identity and preserve the privacy of those involved, especially the guilty. I have no desire to retaliate against or otherwise to harm anyone, having already forgiven all of them in my heart and several of them in person.
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I have experienced both a blessed and troubled life. I have suffered through many abuses from my early childhood through my adult life, including bullying, harassment and torment, as well as sexual, physical, verbal and emotional traumas, at the hands of my peers and adults. I am emotionally damaged, still working to overcome some of the negative and destructive patterns and habits that I developed as self-defense mechanisms in grade school through early high school.
It’s the most horrible day of the year… (with apologies to Pola and Wyle!)
… well, it is for me, at least. But hopefully not forever. Actually, yesterday went rather well, all things considered. It all comes down to a promise with a little faith. And hope.