Several times in my life I have experienced the situation in which I have been in love with a woman to the point that we exchanged a mutual commitment to pursue a relationship yet she changed her mind. Whether it was an old flame coming back into her life, her wanting to pursue someone else because they had history before finally “moving on” from that person or her finding a “better for her” soulmate, the pain that I experienced was intense. In several cases, the scar from this loss is still present and sensitive.
In the late summer and fall of 2016, I made several grave errors in judgement. My poor response to one person’s cruel mockery cost me dearly, setting in motion a course of events that contributed to the death of my then best friend and future wife (I came to find out well after the fact that she had already settled in her heart that she would accept my proposal when I gave it). The pain and grief have been hard to bear, especially since learning of this. I would have been lost if it weren’t for my faith and several friendships that gave me strength through it.